                                Urusei Yatsura

                                 Episode #14
                         Version 1.0: D. B. Killings
                                     1987
                          Version 2.0: Jeff Okamoto
                                   06/30/88

        This script is a translation of a copyrighted work, and as such,
           it is subject to applicable international copyright laws.

                                     *****
                   Reproduction of this material is permitted
                         for NON-PROFIT purposes only!
                                     *****

   Outside, CHERRY'S CAT is meowing atop the house.  Inside, the Moroboshi
   family is finishing dinner.
ATARU: Great dinner!
ATARU'S MOTHER: The way you eat, you're going to become a cow.
ATARU: Nice rest after a meal... .  For some reason the beef tasted different.
   ATARU'S FATHER, however, is disturbed about something, and is cringing from
   behind his trademark newspaper.  ATARU'S MOTHER is not too pleased with his
   manners.
ATARU'S MOTHER (to her husband): You... .  excuse your self.
   ATARU, though, looks a little concerned about his father.
ATARU: Dad, something wrong?
   ATARU'S FATHER explodes.
ATARU'S FATHER: If you two could listen to your conversation...  have you ever
      gotten the feeling that this is not an ordinary household...  That Lum is
      a sign... .  The Moroboshi family's time of happiness... .  Where are we
      going?
ATARU: At least we can always run away from this neighborhood.
   ATARU'S FATHER can't stand it anymore. (Possibly the mention of their neigh-
   bors put him over the edge!).  He runs out of the room.
ATARU'S FATHER: Giya!  I can't stand it!
ATARU: Mom, something seems to be bothering Dad.
ATARU'S MOM (with ``you don't say'' look on her face): What?!?
ATARU: Dad seems to be under a lot of stress or something...
ATARU'S MOTHER: Don't say such foolish things,
ATARU: After all, that person is the father of the famous Ataru Moroboshi!
ATARU'S MOTHER: You don't say...
   ATARU giggles.  A few moments later, ATARU'S FATHER returns, looking a
   little better now that he's vented some of his frustrations.
ATARU'S FATHER: I forgot.  Tonight's the night pro-wrestling is on.  (He goes
      toward the television set) Blood is going to fly!
   ATARU'S MOTHER starts to pick up some of the dishes.
ATARU'S MOTHER: Ataru, take the dishes to the kitchen.
ATARU (to his father): Dad, I'll clean up.
   Suddenly, ATARU starts acting funny.  Or rather, his legs do.  After doing a
   pretty good imitation of a contortionist, the spasms cease, but not before
   ATARU has dropped the dishes he was carrying.  His mother doesn't appreciate
   this last bit.
ATARU'S MOTHER: Can't you carry just one rice bowl satisfactory!?  Can't you at
      least imitate the dutiful son for just awhile?  Aaaaah, sometimes I wish
      you'd never been born.
ATARU: It wasn't on purpose!
ATARU'S MOTHER: You caused damage!
ATARU: My body slipped!  You expect me to make up such a clumsy excuse!?  (to
      himself) What's happening to me?
   As he is cleaning up the mess, the mysterious contortions return, further
   depleting the supply of dishes in the Moroboshi household.
ATARU'S MOTHER: Aaaaah.  What's the use!
ATARU'S FATHER (from offstage, sounding extremely annoyed): Its noisy!  I'm
      trying to watch TV!
   ATARU is sent away so there may be some hope that the dishes will survive
   the night.
ATARU (going upstairs to his room): Ooohh, my body hurts.
   He enters his room, surprising LUM and TEN.  LUM tries to hide something
   behind her back.
ATARU: Lum, you've returned?
LUM: Uh, I returned a short time ago.
TEN: You shouldn't have come back...
ATARU (suspicious as always): What are you hiding?
LUM: Just my spirit's energy...
   ATARU is getting slightly tired with this word play and is determined to
   find out what it is LUM is hiding.  He attacks LUM.
ATARU: I'm suspicious.  Let me see!!
   LUM, though, doesn't exactly mind where ATARU is groping,
LUM: Aaaah, don't!  Darling, it isn't good for Ten's higher education if he
   sees such things!  But maybe after we get some bedding... .
   TEN is a little mystified by this last bit (well, he is only a few years
   old!).
TEN (to himself): Even so, my spirit is good.  I've recently finished my infant
education...
ATARU (still struggling): Don't!  It's no use flattering me!
   ATARU wrestles a small bag from LUM.  It opens to reveal a small, clay doll
   of ATARU.  He picks up the doll.
ATARU: What's this?  A doll?
   ATARU turns the dolls head gruffly to one side.  Suddenly, his own head
   turns the same direction.  LUM takes the doll from ATARU.
LUM: Don't treat it roughly.
ATARU: M...  my neck!
   LUM places the doll on the floor and decides to demonstrate it for ATARU.
LUM: This thing is not to be played with.
   LUM uses her levitation powers to lift the doll.  Instantly, ATARU flies
   into the air
ATARU: Waaaa!  Stop!
   LUM does some acrobatics with the doll and ATARU.
LUM: OK, 3 - 3 - 7 time.
ATARU: What is that thing?
   As LUM finally lets him down, she explains.
LUM: On my planet, psychokinesis games are in fashion.
ATARU: Psychokinesis games?
TEN: Lum, that thing is a little out of fashion now.  Now, everyone only uses
      Dasa-i-oban.
LUM: Dasa-i-oban?
   [Seeing as even Lum doesn't even seem to know, can anybody out there tell
   me what ``Dasa-i-oban'' is?  Why do I have the nasty feeling this is some
   kind of bad pun?]
   ATARU, though, is not too thrilled with the doll.
ATARU: So...  You two made this thing to play with me.  A little while ago
      downstairs, you treated me terribly.  Well, I'm against such things!
   ATARU throws the doll.  Bad move.  BAM!
LUM: Don't get angry at your own doll, you'll hurt yourself.
ATARU: Wish you had told me that...
   ATARU gets an idea.  He takes some of the clay and starts to work.  After a
   while, he finishes a doll of his own.
ATARU: Finished!
   TEN sees the doll, and even he's impressed.
TEN: You're a world-record genius!
ATARU (giggling like a mad man): Its a carbon copy.  A satisfactory work.
   He shows it to LUM,
LUM: Cherry!
ATARU: A good resemblance,
LUM: What are you going to do?
ATARU: Cherry... .  For some time now I've held a grudge against you...  So,
      go to pieces!
   ATARU rips the head off Cherry's doll.  Once that is done, he puts his hands
   together in mock prayer.
ATARU: He was a difficult man...
LUM: Darling, that was just an ordinary doll.
ATARU: Huh?
LUM: To make it work, you have to put a strand of hair inside the model.
   TEN, meanwhile, has done a quick reverse on ATARU.
TEN: Neighborhood fool...  In comparison to your ignorance, pudding is less
      ignorant!  For ignorance, you're the neighborhood's 3-crown king!
LUM: Cherry has no hair.
ATARU (with an ``Aw, damn'' look): And to think I went to all that trouble...
LUM (trying to console her Darling): Still, it was an interesting thought.
   ATARU sudden;y gets an idea.
ATARU: Lum, do you love me?
LUM: Darling, I love you more than anything in the universe!
ATARU: Than I request that you prove your love...
   Sometime later, an array of dolls has been assembled -- one for every person
   in the neighborhood!
ATARU (drooling over the power he now holds over everyone): So, hair has been
      set in all of them.  OK!
LUM: Darling, what a crowd of biased people!  Such a grudge you must have to
      strike terror in all of them!
ATARU: Hehehe.  Everybody, this is Jackal Ataru calling.  Hehehe... . .
LUM: Darling, I'm going to keep one...
ATARU: Which one?
LUM: This person's
   LUM shows him the doll.  ATARU is horror stricken,
ATARU: Shinobu!
LUM: Well now, maybe I should take out the hair.
   This is the last thing ATARU would like her to do, of course.  ATARU grabs
   her.
ATARU: Wait, Lum!
   LUM, however, doesn't take too kindly to this.  She uses her levitation
   powers to knock ATARU's doll aside, which sends ATARU flying.
ATARU: Damn.  Lum found out because of that demon-child...  What ghastly thing
      is she going to do?
   Nearby, CHERRY is making himself a dinner of soup.  He looks up to see ATARU
   frantically looking for LUM.
CHERRY: Ataru looks apprehensive.  This doesn't bode well.
   ATARU doesn't take too kindly to the priest (who does?).
ATARU: You noisy...
   ATARU takes the bowl of soup and pours it over the monk's head, and then
   walks off.
CHERRY: Yang's will is understood. , .
SHINOBU: Oh dear!  I have this impossible feeling...  Something is going on...
   LUM is looking in on SHINOBU.
LUM: Saucy hair and such a plain body... ,
   ATARU arrives.
ATARU: Lum!
LUM: Ah, Darling!  What are you doing here?
ATARU (suspecting LUM will use the doll in some way): Lum, return it!  The main
      point of the dolls was not to use them in an extraordinary manner!
LUM: Darling, I've got to teach you a lesson,
ATARU: Number 1, this thing...  Ok, we'll negotiate.  Lum, you must not take
      the hair out of Shinobu!
   Both of his parents have sat down to some tea.  From upstairs they hear a
   creak, as if someone was in the room above.
ATARU'S MOTHER: Ataru rushed out of here awhile ago, so what do you suppose
      that could be?
ATARU'S MOTHER AND FATHER: B...BURGLARS!?!
   Both of his parents charge in to do battle with the suspected thieves.
   Instead, however, all they find is a CHERRY'S CAT, with the ATARU doll in
   its mouth.  They shoo it away, and it jumps out the window.
ATARU'S MOTHER: It was only just the cat.
   Leaving, they notice the crowd of dolls on ATARU's desk,
ATARU'S MOTHER: Oh, what are these dolls?
ATARU'S FATHER (noticing that they are all of neighbors): Ohhh, look at their
      faces!
   ATARU and LUM are still arguing,
ATARU: LUM!  Give it to me!
LUM: Why are you so anxious about Shinobu...
SHINOBU: There's a disturbance outside.  I wonder if one of the neighborhood's
      married couples is having a fight?
CHERRY: Here, Kitty, kitty.  Come here.  What's that in your mouth?
   CHERRY takes the doll out of its mouth and looks at it.  He throws it off to
   the side.
CHERRY: What a stupid doll,
   ATARU suddenly flies forward -- straight through into SHINOBU's house and
   right into her bathtub,
SHINOBU: GGGGIIIIYYYYAAAAA!!!!!
ATARU: Uh, uh, Good Evening... .
SHINOBU: Ataru...
SHINOBU'S MOTHER: (from offstage): Shinobu!  What's wrong!!
   ATARU panics (well, what would you do?) and attempts to hide in the water in
   the tub.
ATARU: What do I do?  What do I do?
CHERRY: Here cat, go fetch!
   CHERRY throws it.
   ATARU suddenly goes flying off again, and this time way up.
LUM: Darling, where are you going??
ATARU: Find that doll!!
   SHINOBU'S FATHER is angry.  Armed with a golf club, he is about to go out an
d
   make guacamole of the ``assailant''.
SHINOBU'S FATHER: That molester!  (to his wife) Take care of our daughter.
      Damn, he ran away quickly.  Shinobu, was it someone you recognized?
SHINOBU'S MOTHER: Oh poor girl...
SHINOBU (thinking to herself): That fool... That fool...
CHERRY: Aaaaah, a curse to all people!
   Most of the neighbors are fighting each other for no reason that they can
   understand.  Something seems to be controlling them...
POLICEMAN 1 (Uncontrollably shooting his gun): Somebody stop it!!
POLICEMAN 2  My...  My body...
   Both of Ataru's parents are playing with the dolls...
ATARU'S MOTHER: This is fun...
   Riot police and the army have been called out.  A policeman is talking to
   them over a bullhorn.
POLICEMAN 3 Everybody, break up now!!!  Stop this fighting!!!!

                                    END

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